Monday, December 10, 2007

An open letter to the roach population in Cairns


The man you sent is dead. I caught your emissary today scouting out an infiltration of the holiest of sacred sites (aka, my apartment). And I thought you would like to know how he met his unfortunate end.

I was impressed with his cunning plans to catch me at my most vulnerable. Hiding out in my swimsuit, so that he would only be revealed as I stood completely naked (and shoeless), was a brilliant move. He then surprised me by scurrying up my shoulder, and I'm sure he was pleased with the shriek I let out. After regaining my dignity (and putting on undies) I sought him out with my sneaker, but he was too clever and remained hidden.

However, when I returned from my swim, it was I who had the element of surprise. There was your man in my foyer. I calmly put down my goggles and water bottle, and picked up my sneaker. He knew it was the end. I could see the fear in his step as he scrambled to the living room. He stopped for a moment to look back and that's when I struck. With one fatal blow, even his antenna stopped twitching.

Let this be a warning to you. I bought new shoes in Thailand, and I know how to use them. Any further troops you send will meet the same end. And though I may yelp and recoil when I meet them, and I may jump at any rustle of papers or itch, I will prevail.


Michael December 11, 2007 at 5:39 PM  

Awesome, awesome, awesome letter. It made my day.

- Mike Yeh

Mike December 12, 2007 at 11:50 AM  

I think you just totally redefined "going commando".

Erin Fitzgerald December 14, 2007 at 8:28 PM  

Roaches, beware! Great story. :-)

I can't believe you're heading back so soon! Not so much swimming in Boston these days. Looking forward to seeing you and catching up! I've loved reading your blog and thoughts these last few months!

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